Sexual Revolution:

Stripped of Humanity:

The bed has been kicked out of church and church out of the bed. 

Sex is worship; time to connect God back to sex.

Sex is something we are before something we do.

Genesis 1:24-31
   And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.
   And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
   And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
   So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
   And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
   And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
   And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.
   And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Be fully human.  Remove morals and you remove humanity.  We are not animals.

Genesis 2:18-25    
   And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
   And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
   And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
   And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
   And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
   And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
   Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
   And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

The Hebrew name for man is Ish and woman Ah.

Regarding Sex; the church has taught us not to – the culture has taught us how to – this revolution is teaching us when, why and who to.  Unfortunately the church has taught us to deny and suppress.

When making love inside of marriage it is a reflection of the character of God.

When you have sex you are becoming one flesh.  Sex is not a result of the fall.  God told man and woman to become one flesh, be fruitful and multiply before they sinned.

Gentlemen’s clubs and like places are dog kennels, only dogs go to such places looking for a mate.  We are not animals, not hound dogs.

Mankind has gone from being fully human to being fully animals evolving to dogs.

The term (I got a piece or I got some) is animalish.  People are not objects sexual or otherwise.

Animals do not have spirits.  They are not controllable when in heat.  But we have a spirit that is created to be in control.  When we yield to lust we are stripping our self of being fully human to being fully animal.

The four letter F word we are familiar with is a farming word.  Origin: used as word to describe animals mating.

Online Dating

The two big questions I hear the most, concerning online dating, are, “Is on line dating appropriate for Christians?” and “Should ministers have profiles on single’s sites?”

1.  Regarding the first question, I think the question      should be “Is dating appropriate for Christians?” 

a. If dating is appropriate then why wouldn’t online dating be appropriate?  Just like anything if it is used right it can be successful.

b. Some have a standard of chatting a while on the computer before they graduate to the phone.  They talk on the phone a while before they meet for a date. 

c. Well, in the real world of dating it’s not like that - it is not as careful.  You're asked out by a co-worker or someone in the church etc., and you go out with very little, to no, phone time.  You get to know each other by dating physically. 

d. I think online dating is a bit safer – you can learn a lot about someone by talking to them on the phone.  You should be able to tell by conversations, on the phone, where they 're at spiritually, intellectually and emotionally.  This will give you an idea if this person is someone you could have a meaningful relationship with or maybe someone in whom you can be friends with or not hang out with at all. 

One of the big mistakes people make with online dating is that they never really see each other in real life situations on a daily basis. 

1.  They visit back and forth but it’s always in the spirit of being a guest.  They don’t see how each handles problems nor do they get the opportunity to

observe each other’s decision making or how they handle pressure, on a daily basis. 

2.  In the visiting process the man may never see if she brings out the best or worst in him and vise versa because they are always on their best behavior.  This could be one of the reasons the divorce rate in the church is so high,  because people relocate to marry instead of relocate to date.

Many turn to singles sites after spousal rejection, betrayal or a divorce.  Women do this looking for a connection.  In the book of Genesis we see that man was created before the woman.  He knew the earth without the woman but the woman has never known the earth without the man.   A woman feels very much out of sorts when she doesn’t feel that sense of belonging to a man.  This does not mean she cannot function in life without a man because she can, but it is always with the sense of something being missing in her life – she can be very distracted by her singleness.  This can make her vulnerable to accepting the wrong man in her life just because he gives her the feeling of the sense of belonging. 

Dating conventional or online, one of the first things to check out is their spirituality, find out about their church background and if they really have a relationship with God.   Conversation is the beginning stages of finding out one’s depth spiritually but what about seeing them walk out what they are saying? Words are words but in the scheme of long distance dating I don’t believe you have the opportunity to see their walk close up.

Then observe them intellectually to see if they are at the same level as you and also be sensitive to their emotional well being.  Many on these sites are not emotionally well enough for a relationship. 

And then of course as divorced singles there is always the conversation about sex.  Not a sexual conversation but one about sex between two adults.  Divorced singles are always curious if this is going to be an area of struggle between the two.  One may have a much stronger sex drive and the other may not have one at all.  I believe this is a good healthy way to see if perhaps someone could be a potential mate.

The main thing to remember is not to allow your emotions to govern the relationship.  Emotions are a wonderful thing but they can be deadly if allowed to govern.  One of the ways you can tell if your emotions are out of control is when you have to run to the computer several times a day to see if he/she has emailed you.  Or you wait all day for his/her call.  Or you call and they are not available.  One of the things I have witnessed first hand is a young woman who I know stopped going to family functions or at least limited herself in attending anything outside of her computer room because she didn’t want to miss him coming online.  If not hearing from him/her affects your mood for the day, then that is a pretty good sign that your emotions are governing the relationship.  Your spirit man should always be doing the governing. 

I admire my 20 year old niece who is attending Oral Roberts University.  She has been home for the summer.  I was privileged to mentor her for one year before she started at O.R.U.  I teach all those who I mentor high moral standards.  She has met a wonderful young man at school who is anointed and full of the Holy Ghost.  She doesn’t allow him to kiss her on the lips or see her in a swim suit etc.  She is reserving herself for her husband.  He may be her husband, if so he will be blessed by her within the confines of marriage.   It is obvious to me that her spirit man is in control.  Her young man has come to visit for the last week of their summer vacation and will travel back with her.  I have observed her around him.  While it is obvious she is crazy about him she doesn’t hang all over him or have to be at his side every minute…. All summer she has missed him and been on the phone with him much of the time she has been home, but she was still able to function and be happy.  This is because her spirit man is governing the relationship.  I credit her godly stand to the decision for God she has made…however she has never been married – she is a virgin. 

Comment by a Single Divorced Man.

I'd like to comment on the experience of the ORU attending niece. Although her determination and actions are commendable, wise, and perhaps even recommended........... These actions are certainly more easily followed by someone that has not been awakened sexually. The Christian that is divorced is a situation that is altogether different. With all due respect and admiration for her dedication in her dating situation I would think that the majority of even the most dedicated divorced Christians would think that the standard upheld by this single Christian young woman is impractical, undesirable, and unmanageable.......... unless the engagement is going to be very short.

This quote is so true, I could not have said it better myself - however the point that I was making concerning my niece is that she is spiritually and emotionally stable, not allowing her emotions to govern the relationship and sticking with her stand.  For the divorced single when we declare celibacy…. we need to stand in that declaration sowing to the Spirit we will reap from the Spirit.

Whether you date conventionally or online the principles are the same.  Be sure that you are ready to date either way.

Regarding the second question, again like the first the question it should be "Is it okay for a minister to date?"  If it is then it would be okay for them to date conventional as well as online.  A profile on a single's site is another avenue of ministry….however a minister needs to be ready to date as well as the rest.  Ministers and Christians fall into sexual sin with their dating partners online or otherwise.

One of the best places for a minister to have their profile is on a secular dating site.  We need to be lights in the darkness.  You see very little light on a secular single's site.  But again one would need to be emotionally ready to be that light otherwise they will get sucked into the darkness by its influence.  I have seen minister’s profiles on the Christian sites and the same ministers also have profiles on secular sites.  The problem with that is their profile is not the same.  It’s real spiritual on the Christian site but says very little about their faith on the secular site.  This makes me wonder about their sincerity.  It’s hypocritical – it’s like being one thing in church but another in the world.  I realize that many are fighting for their life and sanity in the process of adjusting to the single life, but Ministers and Christians need to be real especially in the world.

Bottom line:  Before we date we need to make sure we are ready no matter the form, and be a shinning light in this dark world.

Who Relocates?
Online dating raises the issue of distance and long distance relationships.  Obviously someone is going to have to relocate in order for the relationship to survive.  Who relocates is a major issue.  I have my own personal view but I would like to first share the views of two of my gentlemen friends.  The first says that whoever makes the initial contact should be the one willing to relocate.  If you are not willing to relocate then you should not contact anyone who is not local.  The second, what’s the argument about?  This is so easy.  If there is an issue about who relocates, then she/he is not the one.  Is it about finances or is it about love?  Is it about us getting ourselves together or is it about God putting us together.  If God does it (NO ISSUE), but if we do it ourselves, be prepared for anything.  God is not the author of confusion.  Whoever God has for you, He will make it work.

Though I understand where the first one is coming from, and I agree with him on a practical note, but also remembering that we are not dealing with just the practical but strong emotions as well.  We are emotional beings and long to be fulfilled emotionally.  We also need to remember that people have been dating and finding mates long before cyberspace existed.  Those that are not willing to relocate may do better outside of cyberspace unless they find someone in their local area. I tend to believe the one without the career, which is usually the woman…. or the one with less of a career should be the one to relocate - or the one who makes the least amount of money.  If you limit yourself to just contacting people inside your local area your choices are going to be limited.  If you decide to contact someone outside of your local area with no plan to relocate and you make a good strong connection, you will be at the mercy of that person to be willing to relocate.  For a woman to insist the man relocate when he is at the prime of his career making big bucks, when she makes very little compared to him she is being foolish.  It could be a test that she is putting him through.  “If he relocates that means he really loves me.” Again, this is foolish.  So, he relocates to prove his love for her…he is now working a lesser job not being able to provide in a way he is used to or maybe that job doesn’t work out and he is unemployed for a while…this is going to affect how he feels about her.  Resentment will begin to grow in him against her.  This will cause major trouble in the marriage just because he moved to prove his love.  Now he could care less and wants out. 

If I were to meet a man and make the commitment of marriage, who lived in another state, who is financially established, I would not hesitate to relocate as long as I know he is right for me according to the will of God for my life.  A man being financially established would be a blessing to me.  It would be part of the appeal. The second friend has also made a very good point.  While there are several practical stands, allowing the Holy Spirit to lead and being willing to obey Him is the key.

It appears that many misrepresent themselves in their profiles.  Women tend to post out-dated pictures, most likely due to weight gain or aging because they are insecure about their current look.  For sure the clock is ticking and we are all aging but we are not going to reach our desired result if we are not honest.  One man was more than willing to share a story of such happening to him.  He drove about seven hours to reach the home of the woman he had been in contact with.  They had spoken on the phone for a period of time before he made the trip.  When he arrived a family member greeted him and told him she was out at the club with her sister.  He thought that was odd because she knew he would be there at this agreed time.  He went to his car and waited for them to return.  About 4:00 in the morning she and her sister came home.  After they were in the house he made his way to the door and knocked.  Her sister answered, she was the woman whose picture he had been looking at all of this time.  Then the woman he had been talking to came to the door crying.  She was very overweight and unattractive to this man.  Was she just playing games or what?  Most likely she desired to make a connection but knew the way she looked; she wouldn’t be able to make the kind of connection she desired.  So she used her sister’s picture living in a fantasy world and when it came time for reality she ran and hid.  I have heard similar stories from several different men over the last year about how women misrepresent themselves online.  Are they scammers?  Maybe some are just playing games…but for the most part I tend to believe most are insecure women who are desperate for a connection.  Men also do their share of misrepresenting themselves.  I find that many will have “Looking for a Serious Relationship” on their profiles, when in fact they are not.  They are looking for a woman to have a good time with once in a while.  Some travel a lot and want to meet women in every area they are traveling to.  When contacted by a man, no matter what their profile says, I ask them what they are looking for on the site.  Just because it’s a Christian site doesn’t mean everyone is a Christian.  There are Christian men on these sites that do not live a life of sexual restraint.  These men will tell you how sexy you are, what a sexy voice you have, etc. Beware; they maybe slowly trying to stimulate you for phone sex.  If you are called by a contact after 10:00 at night this is usually what they have in mind.  If they ask you at the beginning of the contact if you have a cam that is a sign they want to masturbate with you online in front of the cams – this is known as cyber-sex.   So, is online dating a scam?  I don’t think it is a scam.  However, many on these single’s sites are people who are hurting.  Unfortunately hurting people attract hurting people.  People who are hurting hurt people.  Is it a scam? I don’t think so, just a bunch of hurting dysfunctional people looking for relief.

While there are scammers on these sites I don’t think online dating is a scam.  The steps of the righteous are ordered by God.  When practicing Christians are on these sites so is God there to guide. 

There are Internet People and Then There are Good People on the Internet:

My observation: Internet people are hurtful people.  They are opportunist looking for their own happiness with very little regard for the feelings of others.  If you don’t say the right thing or respond the right way they devalue you and stop communicating with you with no explanation.  They will seem caring and affectionate at first; misleading their contact and then all of a sudden they cut off contact.  This is called being cyber-dumped – if a person is already hurting this will add greatly to their pain. 

And then there are good people who are on the internet.  These are those who treat their contacts with respect and honor – they treat them like real people.  They value those they are in contact with.  This is a good person who happens to be on the Internet.

The bottom line is that many people on these sites, Christians and non Christians, are looking for mankind to fulfill them where only God can.  In my opinion there is nothing wrong with online dating as long as you are truly "SINGLE."  Single in the original Hebrew translates whole.  Dating is for “whole” people, those completely healed.  Fooling around with dating in any form when you are not yet healed just slows down your healing process.  Get healed, then make new friends and see where it goes. 

Dating just to date for something to do is not wisdom.  Celibacy is much harder to maintain if you are dating just for the fun of it.  We are all brothers and sisters in Christ and need to treat each other with respect and honor.

Taken from Pastor Darla's book "Learning to be Single After Thirty Years of Marriage"

UNEQUALLY YOKED

By Pastor Darla Winn

II Corinthians 6:14

   Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (do not make mismated alliances with them or come under a different yoke with the, inconsistent with your faith).  For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness?  Or how can light have fellowship with darkness?

Before we can define what this means we must understand what an unbeliever is.  One definition of unbeliever would be someone who does not believe in God.  They believe there is a God but they don’t believe in Him – they won’t give their life to Him.  They don’t trust in, adhere to, and rely on Him they have not made God lord of their life.

It may surprise us to know we have people like this in the church.  People who are consistent in attendance and tithe bringing and offering giving and always ready to lend a helping hand, but their hearts are far from God.  They still operate in the natural realm, being led by the flesh and not the Spirit. This is an unbelieving believer.

Another definition of an unbeliever would be; someone who does not even believe there is a God or someone who knows there is a God but refuses to acknowledge Him or His ways.

II Corinthians 6:15

   What harmony can there be between Christ and Belial (the devil)? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?

We need to understand that as a believer we are the temple of Christ.  If we date an unbeliever we, the temple of Christ, are dating the temple of satan – which is full of idolatry.  As a believer Jesus is our best friend.  Why would we want to date someone who doesn’t want anything to do with our best friend?

II Corinthians 6:16

   What agreement (can there be between) a temple; of God and idols?  For we are the temple of the living God; even as God said, I will dwell in and with and among them and will walk in an with and among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.

God and satan cannot come into agreement with each other.  If we date an unbeliever we cannot come into agreement with them unless we compromise.  It is absolutely impossible to date an unbeliever and not come under their influence.  You may think you are holding your own but before you know it your cooked.  A frog will jump out of a pot of boiling water but if you put him in the pot on the stove while the water temperature is still comfortable he will remain in the pot slowly cooking and never even know he’s dying.

II Corinthians 6:17

   So, come out from among (unbelievers). And separate (sever) yourselves from them, says the Lord, and touch not (any) unclean thing: then I will receive you kindly and treat you with favor.

How can we justify dating an unbeliever after reading this scripture?  If we are dating an unbeliever we are walking in disobedience to the Word of God.  When we are walking in disobedience we stop up our anointing flow.  We are no longer effective as a minister (witness).

II Corinthians 6:18

   And I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.

II Timothy 2:21

   So whoever cleanses himself (from what is ignoble and unclean, who separates himself from contact, with contaminating and corrupting influences) will (then himself) be a vessel set apart and useful for honorable and noble purposes, consecrated and profitable to the Master, fit and ready for any good work.

Before we can be effective as a minister (witness) we must be set apart from evil influences.  Any life style that does not line up with the Word of God is an evil influence.  “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” is a command not a suggestion or caution.  It’s instruction on how to live a life separated from the world.  When choosing a mate we must be careful to look for someone who can relate to us as a believer, someone on the same level of spirituality, same place of spiritual maturity.

II Timothy 3:16-17

   Every Scripture is God-breathed (given by His inspiration) and profitable for instruction, for reproof and conviction of sin, for correction of error and discipline in obedience, (and) for training in righteousness (in holy living, in conformity to God’s will in thought, purpose and action).

   So that the man of God may be complete and proficient, well fitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Amos 3:3

   How can two walk together except they are agreed?

We must be led by God when choosing a mate.  We must not even date someone unless he or she is a candidate for a life mate.  If you are dating someone, you know you will not marry; you are dating someone else’s spouse, therefore, committing adultery.  According to these scriptures dating an unbeliever is wrong, it’s against God and it’s a dead end road.

YOU MUST BE LED BY THE SPIRIT!

Love Without Commitment

Is there such a thing?  No there is not.  Commitment is the result of love, so what about sex outside of commitment?  Many are engaging in sex outside of commitment and calling it making love.  I am old fashioned due to many scriptures in the Bible, and think that a real commitment is a marriage commitment.  A marriage commitment is much more binding than an exclusive commitment.  When you make a commitment for marriage that is saying I want you and only you and I want it to be recognized by all.  It is also saying I don’t ever want out of this covenant.  But an exclusive commitment says there is always the option to leave if I want to.  If this person is no longer meeting your needs then you have the option to get out.  However God did not design sex for anything other then marriage.  In our country we have a ceremony and a license stating we are married.  It is a documented commitment.  There are many cultures that do not practice this.  They do not have a marriage ceremony and documentation.  They begin their marriages by co-habiting.  Most places in the U.S. do not recognize a co-habitation as marriage.  

An exclusive commitment is a couple that agrees to have sex with only each other.  But it is not a life long commitment.

According to Hebrew 13:4 and Galatians 5:19 sex before marriage is a sin.  Sex was not created for fun or recreation outside of relationship. When you have sex with someone in a casual relationship meaning no commitment, it can leave you empty, unfulfilled, unsatisfied and always searching.  Sex was created for a committed relationship.  Sex is an expression of love for one anther.  It is a relationship builder, it is expression, it is pleasure and it is for procreation. 

When you really love someone you don’t have sex with others.  Don’t settle for casual sex – you will live an empty lonely life.  Sexual pleasure cannot fulfill you emotionally.  Having sex outside of a committed relationship will cause you to become emotionally bankrupt.

I would like to share a story from Joshua Harris’s book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”

It was finally here—Anna’s wedding day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for months.  The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends and family.  Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of a stringed quartet filled the air.  Anna walked down the aisle toward David.  Joy surged within her.  This was the moment for which she had waited so long.  He gently took her hand, and they turned toward the altar.

But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through their vows, the unthinkable happened.  A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David’s other hand.  Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another.  Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna.  Anna felt her lip beginning to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes.  “Is this some kind of joke?” she whispered to David.

“I’m…I’m sorry, Anna,” he said, staring at the floor.

“Who are these girls, David?  What is going on?” she gasped.

“They’re girls from my past,” he answered sadly.  “Anna, they don’t mean anything to me now…but I’ve given part of my heart to each of them.”

“I thought your heart was mine,” she said.

“It is, it is,” he pleaded.  “Everything that’s left is yours.”

A tear rolled down Anna’s cheek.  Then she woke up.

Anna told me about her dream in a letter.  “When I awoke I felt so betrayed,” she wrote.  “But then I was struck with this sickening thought:  How many men could line up next to me on my wedding day?  How many times have I given my heart away in short-term relationships?  Will I have anything left to give my husband?”

If you date someone you know you are not going to marry and sex is involved you need to realize that you are having sex with someone else’s mate. I want to encourage you today in your purity, don’t be deceived that casual sex is okay.  The price for the physical pleasure is more than you want to pay.

By Pastor Darla Winn

The Origin of Sex

In a wife submitting to her husband who is a minister and if she is minister as well he would need to receive her not only into his life as his wife but also as a minister to him first and then to their congregation or whatever ministry they are in together.  If she is five fold she is certainly not there to look pretty and say yes honey all the time. 

He will need to embrace the ministry in her and allow her to be that supply to him that God intends and then allow her to be that supply to the people they are ministering to as pastors, evangelist etc. 

Men, there are all kinds of women who look at you and think "Wow, Yummy," and have tried to get close to you just because you are yummy.  A majority of singles have people who are drooling over them.  But to find someone who can notice you are yummy but move past it, and get excited about your destiny is hard to find.  I have guys tell me everyday that I am desirable in some kind of way but not one of them is interested in my destiny.  This is why I know right away that they are not my Boaz.  This is also how you will know they are not your mates. 

In choosing a mate we tend to choose people like us.  We meet someone and get all excited about how much we have in common.  I am the opposite.  If we have too much in common then I know we are not right for each other.  We need to choose someone who can make us stronger.  In doing that we make the one we choose stronger as well.  I most likely will not marry a man who has strength in administration and organization, coordination etc., because that is one of my greatest strengths.

In choosing a mate who I can be one with intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually he has to have strengths I don't have and our personalities have to fit and we both must be open for growth.  With those things in place everything else will begin to join us together tightly on a daily basis.  The oneness will become so great that the anointing that flows from us will be powerful.  A couple is not powerful to advance the kingdom of God until they become one.  That doesn't happen when you make love the first time however it is the beginning.  Becoming one is a process.  Every time you make love you become less and less of two and more and more of one whole person.  In this process you are dying to self and birthing a new person.  Old things are passed away, behold all things have become new.  You thought that was a salvation scripture didn't you?  While it is, it is also a scripture for a couple who are getting married.  Individually they die but in that death a beautiful person is birthed and two become one.  I look forward to the death of myself as an individual so I can merge my life into my mate and be one person. 

Marriage is two history's colliding, without the grace of God you can get killed in the collision.

Solomon chapters 4 and 5 is quite stimulating as it talks about her garden and drinking and eating of one another, I bet you thought the Bible was silent about oral sex... Chill out ya’all I am not saying that this is what it is talking about but it could be.  Anyway, one of the things that God has shown me is that most of His people who are married have never really experienced sex the way He created it to be experienced.   They have not experienced the depth of it.   It is supposed to be heavenly.  I don't mean a heavenly experience I mean a trip to heaven, literally.  The Holy Spirit should always be present.  Listen, at the height of climax we should be in the spirit or the climax is just a natural thing.  Sex God's way is not tapping the well it's tapping the spirit, like Moses struck the rock and the people received.  Not only do you receive the physical release your body needs but it produces life in the person you are expressing love (life) to.  The God kind of Sex is the greatest relationship builder ever created.  The God kind of Sex is not just sexual organs coming together but eyes locking as you both leave the bedroom and enter the Holy of Holies of your marriage bed and experience the highest high there is, it's like no drug ever created.  The God kind of intimacy creates a life changing anointing operating in your life as a couple.

I don't know what Baptist do at the height of climax but Pentecostals speak in tongues.  I am serious.

In light of all I have just said this is why it is so important to chose the right mate.  If you don't have the right mate your intimacy is more of physical release and pleasure and that is like building your house on the sand.  Sexual expression is building your house (marriage relationship) on the ROCK.

Men ministers, if your wife is not able to be your minister she is not able to minister to anyone.  You come first.  When she proves she can minister to you then she is ready and you should, at that point, feel comfortable to release her to minister with you.

Another nugget:  Any one can be a pleaser in the bedroom but pleasing should not be about you the pleaser.  The greater a man can please his woman the more of a man he feels he is this makes his pleasing about him.  But real pleasing is never about the person doing the pleasing.   Pleasing is giving and it must be about the receiver.  If the receiver is not responding correctly they will not receive all that the pleaser is giving.

Last nugget:  Masturbation is having sex with your self and will delude your anointing.  You can’t say you are celibate while practicing masturbation.

When your love for God out weighs your urge to merge you know you have put God first and you can do nothing but prosper.

IT’S TIME CHURCHES TALK PLAIN ABOUT SEX

By Dr. Clyde M. Hughes (General Bishop - International Pentecostal Church of Christ)

Enough is enough! My “Google Alert” which informs me of items in the news on the web concerning the National Association of Evangelicals and other selected topics has been going ballistic. The moral fall of whom some have called “the chief opponent of gay marriage in America” has provided all the enemies of faith fodder for much celebration. If my friend, Ted Haggard, knew the Scriptures, knew the dynamics, and ever so eloquently espoused moral concepts as he represented the Evangelical perspective on virtually every major news outlet in the land, how much more are those without his gifts are likely to fall? How is it that the top Evangelical and the heads of two of the three largest Christian television networks in history go accused of both homosexual and heterosexual trysts? There is an ill wind blowing through River City.

Let’s face it. Morality is no longer as important to us as before. We have been desensitized by a constant, repetitive and rapid-fire onslaught of sexually slanted messages and themes. We should never be lulled into thinking that bizarre non-Christian thinking is not within our sphere.  As many as 20-30% of Pentecostal ministers support presidential candidates who promote homosexuality, homosexual unions, homosexual adoptions, abortion, condom distribution without parental consent, removing the last vestiges of God from schools and government, Palestinian rights over Israeli rights, pornography rights, National Education Association over school vouchers for church families, oppression of the Boy Scouts due to their stand against homosexuality, removing school prayer, etc. Their voting and presumably their lives demonstrate more loyalty to their pasts, their unions, and to economic issues rather than to the Lord Jesus

Christ!

How bad is it? In a “Christianity Today” survey, twenty-three percent of 300 responding pastors admit to sexually inappropriate behavior with someone of the opposite sex. In another study, about 13% of ministers admit to adultery and 49% of churchmen are involved in pornography. In “Every Man’s Battle,” it is said that counselors estimate that men fall into three categories of sexual sin: 10% have no problem with sexual temptation, either with their eyes or minds; 10% are plagued by sexual addiction that controls their lives; and 80% of the male population falls between the extremes. According to Zogby International, 17% or 1 out of every 6 women, “including Christians, believe that they can find sexual fulfillment on the internet. These women are wives, moms, and sisters who all profess faith in Jesus Christ.” If the truth were known, we get more of our philosophy of life from the barbershop, the factory, CNN, Oprah, Rosie and “Desperate Housewives” than we do either the Word of God or the pulpits of Bible believing churches. Forty-two percent of Americans describe themselves as sexually adventurous, 29% of Americans have sex on their first date, the average number of sex partners of an American man is 20, the average number of sex partners of an American woman is 6, 11 million Americans visit adult-only websites in a typical week, 20% of Americans view pornography on a weekly basis, 26 million adults have weekly sexual encounters with someone other than their spouse, 65% of teenagers have sex before leaving high school, the top teen rated television shows have 6.7 sexual scenes per hour, 70% of TV shows feature sexual content, the average number of child victims of a pedophile is 117, 20% of children who use computers receive online sexual solicitations, 20% of underage girls will be sexually exploited, 40% of molested children under age 6 are victimized by other juveniles, the average age of victimization of females is 9 ½, there are 381,967 of registered sex offenders but an estimated four to five million sex offenders in the USA. Sadly, though most of those figures are of the general population, most studies are showing there is not much a significant difference between the world and the church in moral behavior. A very credible source said some of the biggest names in ministry are provided with a prostitute as part of their honorarium as visiting speakers and a number of mega church pastors exempt themselves from all sexual taboos. Things are out of control! Since God’s plan is unalterable and He desires only the best for His people, we must presume that His agents are failing Him. The older ladies have failed the younger. The older men have failed the boys and young men. Preachers are failing their churches.

1. Preachers have failed their congregations by weak preaching. Preaching has become tamer. With a more astute clergy, it now takes considerable effort to get into hell. When we do speak of sex, it is so watered down the message is meaningless. As a kid, my father preached about homosexuality being a sign of the last times. But I thought they were all in California and I would never see one. So when I was twice propositioned in Italy, neither time did I really know what was happening. A little guy walked up to me in the Bologna train station and asked, “Do you like me?” Clueless, I said, “I don’t know. I don’t even know you.” I didn’t know what he was asking until it dawned on me later that he was one of those my dad preached about. What was he doing out of California? In the other incident, I accepted a ride from a man and in Italian he invited me to his apartment. I still remember the strongest power of Satan I have ever felt in my life and did the only thing I knew to do when the car stopped, I got out and ran. Sadly, people today face temptations and do not sense those protections. So we need to speak clearly. We don’t have to use gutter language but we must be explicitly clear. Lyle Schaller said, “American civil religion has emerged as a moralism masquerading as Christianity, but it lacks the power of the real article to change lives from the inside out.”

2. Preachers need to elevate and present the truth about marital sex. Sex was first, God’s idea, not Hollywood’s. It is beautiful and wondrous. We do a great injustice in treating it as anything different. But sex is God’s wedding gift to a married couple. And even then, it is His property not ours. To be plain, if it is His property and not ours, to give it away improperly is theft. If it is not ours, to improperly take it is rape. To make it the object of a transaction, whether it be money, attention, affection, to sustain a relationship, etc. is nothing short of prostitution. “Oh, now you’ve gone overboard,” I hear. My ears are burning, like they used to say in West Virginia. May I ask, who is being extreme: me, when I say that sex is totally the possession of God and any improper use is an illegal possession or the preacher who has made sex a casual thing on par with a handshake or a smile? So all extra-marital sin is either rape or prostitution.

Since God fashioned the relationship between a husband and a wife after the unity of the Godhead, a sexual sin is a stab in the heart of the very essence of God! A youth camp teacher I heard of began his lesson on sex and marriage with a joke about sex disqualifying him of any teaching. Making sex a casual topic of a joke makes light of something far too sacred to joke about. There are but two topics I refuse to joke about: God and sex. Neither can be discussed

casually.

3. Preachers must call sin for what it is! The Post-modernist denies the existence of sin because sin implies there is a right and a wrong. The largest church in America never speaks of sin. But where does a pedophile, adulterer, or pornography addict go for help? If he goes to that church, all he discovers is that he is all right and is going to have a wonderful life. To intimate that God will bless a sin-inflicted life is blasphemy because it implies that the nature of God can coexist with the nature of sin. “Morality, like art, consists of drawing a line somewhere. We must let God’s Word draw the line, not culture,” said Chesterton.

4. Preachers need to balance their messages. We have no right to call any thing sin unless we offer an antidote. The power of grace is the most beautiful concept in the world. To be made just-as-if-I’d never sinned is the wonder of the universe. God loves the prostitute, the homosexual, the pedophile! He can restore them to purity. Even though pedophiles are said to be rehabilitated only about 2% of the time, God can still restore. Of course they can never be restored to working with children, but we still forgive. G. K. Chesterton said, “Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.” This seemingly blasphemous statement is a stark reminder of a craving and void in every man’s heart that will either be filled with God offered by a godly believer or a cheap sensual substitute offered by opportunistic vendor of sex, drugs, or other evil. Holiness people have championed a moral order and have rejected a relational order while the modernists have championed a relational order at the expense of a

moral order. God is seeking a people who will walk with His daily tension — the struggle between love and justice: the love of humanity balanced by the demands of a great moral code.

5. Preachers need to offer solutions. People speculate on the heir to Billy Graham’s mantle. There is none on the scene. His ministry is noted for its personal and financial integrity. Some preachers said to be his successor will never be trusted because they are into big money. Graham has consistently been on a reasonable salary. He has taught us well about personal protections against moral failure. He refuses to travel alone, be in a space alone with a woman, travel alone with a woman, and his traveling companion would scout out a motel room for people hiding and cameras, etc. Guidelines for internet use need to be presented to protect people, such as never allowing a computer to be in a closed room, never staying up on the internet past the time one’s spouse goes to bed, sharing passwords (our office shares passwords for accountability), internet filters which filter out most improper sites, becoming aware of the hazards of chat rooms and instant messaging. WWJV (What Would Jesus View) should be posted above every computer monitor in the land. We must understand new phenomenon like “My Space” which entices young

people to tell innermost secrets on the internet, making them easy prey for a lot of wicked people.

6. Preachers need to set the example in marriage. Having a great role model of a godly marriage is critical for Christians. The picture of a preacher who openly loves his wife is a great deterrent to a would-be temptress. Give them reason to think there’s no chance of toppling this guy! The credibility earned from a good visible marriage is priceless in counseling others. A private loving and fulfilled marriage is another significant ingredient in our walls of protection. A fallen preacher will often say, “But my wife has not been a wife for many months.” That’s like saying, “I couldn’t afford a new car, so just took one.” What a cop-out! Yet, one of the reasons God invented marriage was to channel human drive in a mutually fulfilling manner. Spouses are inter-dependent.

7. Preachers need intimacy with God. The more we know and love God the less likely we are to seek to displease Him. If Christ is the focus of our day, we are less apt to be distracted by a billboard, a pretty face, or turn to an unsightly television image. We will be less likely to slip in a DVD we know to be risky. We will not set any evil thing before our eye. Risking sounding unspiritual, we should not think that our spirituality alone will protect us. Why? Preachers get so good at what they do. They do so many “spiritual” things that they motor along at the same level of feeling and proficiency long after the Spirit of God has left them. Almost every failed preacher was considered very spiritual at the time of their falling.

8. Preachers must teach parents how to parent. There are Christian mothers and preacher’s wives who supply their daughters with contraceptives which tells them that sin is all right as long as you don’t get caught. Abortions have been obtained by many a Christian family to hide a daughter’s mistake. We practice what we believe. If what you practice does not mark up to the Word of God, it is your belief system that is hypocritical, not your practice!

9. Preachers must begin teaching what it is to be a real man. Preachers of the past lambasted women for their clothing and makeup. Fifty years ago, some women would have been thrown out of a bar for wearing what they wear to church today. Nowadays, we’ve gone to the

other extreme where anything goes. But to blast away at women ignored a greater problem, that of dirty minded men! We are admonished to let the same mind be in us which also was in Christ

Jesus. His mind was pure, and so must ours be! We must preach on pure thoughts and how to feed a pure mind, what to abstain from, how to treat women and girls, and how to walk worthily of our calling. Jesus said the seed of adultery was lust. If so, the seed of child molesting and rape is also in impure thoughts. Jesus called it like it was, but then again, Jesus did not have to stand for re-election.

10. Preachers need to be more transparent. Your people need to know that you are human and struggle and trust in the Lord to help you resist sin. They need to know your secrets of resisting. They need to know your secrets in building a successful and pure thought life.

11. Preachers need to check up on their staff members. Church insurance companies are insisting on background investigations for children and youth workers. We have to update our operating manuals to avoid individual access to children and youth, to add internet history checks, references for incoming workers, and even occasional questioning of the personal habits and thought patterns of members. The mature Christian desiring a good church will not be offended

when probed about their personal lives.

12. Preachers need to overhaul their youth ministry. There is a reason why 88% to 97% of youth leave the church when they get out of high school. And, it’s not the devil. Most youth ministry gives more reasons to backslide than to draw close to God. It is outdated. It is not

relevant. It is lacking in quality and passion as demonstrated by the mediocre services. It is patronizing in its seeking to entertain rather than transform. It insults the intelligence of the average youth in the level of service it claims to provide. It caters to the carnal more than to the spiritual or it tries to minister in extra-Biblical ways that are mostly meaningless to those who need God. Those most alarmed in the church about the status of youth in America are united in

the truth that youth will not be transformed though pizza and time-failed church games. Their hunger is so deep that only the transforming power of the Holy Spirit presented by passionate

lovers of God and lovers of man can make a difference. Only through this can we expect our youth to adopt Biblical standards of moral behavior!

We have no right at all to set the bar so high that few can reach it. But we have much less right to set the bar beneath that which the Lord predestined for all of us. God deserves much more than He is getting from us. We are much better than we have been delivering. And if we, who call

our selves the set apart ones, can not succeed in this most basic area, we forfeit everything we attempt to relay to a lost and dying world. It is time to awake from our sleep and demonstrate to

the world what a Christian is all about!